There were engravings of verse encrypted within the darkness of the storm, and within a momentary drift of balance, they were transformed into a stillness that seeped through far beyond the silence could fathom. Here lay a sign, a final piece of art that lay ruin to the misguided demeanours of the past. An ancestral call. A truthful bond so severe, that to deny it, would be as though to wipe the traces of time from its very existance.

We were fashioned in form to obey. Let us bow to the will of our call..

Rumi

'You dance inside my chest
Where noone sees you

But sometimes I do
And that sight becomes this art'

Clear Skies

There are times in which clarity imposes itself upon ourselves and we remain only as spectators to the unravelling farce, a loss at the hands of a disinterested hold. 

Uninhibited in design, wavering falls lift us in a stepwise fashion from reluctant solitude only to be thrown before the darkening glare of day. Blessings punctuated with relief. Bedazzled by the clamoring fusion of light, a soul once born in the skies and now reawoken to the liberation of peace, bows to the ground, barefoot and overwhelmed by the gratitude of loss.

An awakening previously distanced by time has been rekindled amongst the selfishly mute. The truth found beyond the throes of belief absolves us of our destiny as we lay alongside the innocence of the unborn. 

An attempt at a truly humble beginning.

Unspoken Dawn

The end is nigh. Cracks have appeared within the kingdom and those who are to be delivered from the weeping of the sun must rise forth and grasp the light.

We are indeed the last to see the morn..

Summer Begins

It's been a complete whirlwind with deciding to go, packing and leaving for a camping trip within a few hours of finishing my last exam on Friday. I've spent the past few days with a bunch of amazing people in Walesby Forest, and have returned battered, bruised, burnt (by both the sun and the oven) and exhausted and have yet to catch my breath, but, I've also come back with some fantastic memories and friends that will remain with me for a very long time inshallah. 

DAY 1

After dumping our stuff in the lodge and looking around with awe at the sheer number of bunkbeds and the amount of luggage that some people had brought with them, we started off with orienteering in the forest, blindfolded, but thankfully guided along with a rope, and had to pass through a number of obstacles and slapping trees. We then decided to do it backwards and Safoora and myself were  the only ones brave enough to try it running, from which I still have rope burns as a momento of the experience. And by the way, tightrope walking isn't as easy as it looks, especially when your helping hand lets go off you on your very first attempt!

On our way to finding the lake after we finished early from our introductory event, we managed to get lost and increased a 1 mile journey to about 5 miles! But we climbed trees, grass-whistled and water-fought on the way, enjoying the scenic beauty of the forest and distant sheep as we ambled along through the fields and sand. Although I have no idea what the sand was doing there in the middle of the forest..

Ofcourse food and witticisms are always part of the general jokes on any trip but interspersed between that were educational acitivities. Our halaqah was very refreshing with a talk delivered by a lovely sister named Umm Rumaissa, and was in fact about  her original name-holder. In addition to various case scenarios that we discussed, the baby that came as a bonus with the circle was absolutely adorable mashallah and kept us entertained for a lengthy period of time.

To conclude the day we had group bonding sessions and Bilal Hassam's activity in which we learned about the Johari Window opened our eyes to the importance of self awareness and our interactions with others.

DAY 2

Water bombs. What a way to wake someone from their sleep! However, my threat of throwing a solid punch seemed to deter the perpetrator more than enough to spare me from such a refreshing 'good morning' ;)

Alas, it seems as though I wasn't to be spared from the water, even with the torrential downpour having come to an end as waking time approached, for canoeing brought about its own drenched jokes. Lessons learnt from canooing: 

1. Some people just aren't made for steering around a lake. However, if you want to get an up close and personal look at the branches on the sides of the lake, well, thats another matter altogether.

2. If you are in a two-man canoe and one of you jumps off in a heroic attempt to help those who have managed to capcize, you're going to end up turning your own canoe over too.

3. Some people enjoy recapcizing others.

4. You can fall into the lake and not manage to spoil your eyeliner :D

5. It's difficult to swim with trainers on.

6. Revenge is even sweeter when God does it for you ;)

With todays circle cancelled, we had time to actually clean up the lovely scent the lake water left on our clothes, not to mention we were able to warm up a bit before catching pneumonia, which would have been a problem if we were shivering when we had to go and hold our guns..

Rifle shooting was something I had been eagerly anticipating ever since I knew it was on the list of acitivities to undertake, and it was definitely worth the wait. Some people seemed to have an absolute knack for it, and were hitting bulls-eye on their first attempt! I didn't know whether to be impressed or frightened. For me, practice really did make it 'perfect' (well, not perfect per se..), but with me delicately pleading with the guy to give me around 15 shots each time instead of the normal 5, I managed to improve my aim, and am currently finding a place to put up my holed piece of card on my wall :) Ofcourse my brother told me that it looks like I didn't inherit the same genes as he did, as he used to be a professional competitor and used to be one of the top ten marksmen in the country mashallah. I know he was secretly impressed by my attempts though :D

With target practice completed, now was the time to move onto bigger objects and so human catapaults were an obvious follow-up activity. Ever put a rubber band around a pronged twig and used it to boing stones at people? Well, two people each holding one end of a scarf works just as well. Being the first to test-run our contraption, I set the precedent for flying across the field, barely  managing to keep my feet on the ground and stay upright at the same time. This alongside leap frogging and racing was what we managed to get up to as we had to wait about before being allowed back into the lodge.

Back in the lodge we made preparations for our camp fire. Wow is Febreeze useful, especially once you've sat around smoking wood and cardboard and the smell refuses to leave your clothes, although its aroma proved to be somewhat intoxicating. The poor dying fire to which we fed everything we could find, even an apple core and a banana, although the latter was for eating, provided a nice end to the day outdoors as we sat and talked and 'sang', and scared people with torches and my face. Sigh. Standard.

DAY 3

Most of the day was spent cleaning out the lodge, absorbing in the atmosphere for the last time and snatching in conversations with people whenever we could. The barbeque with the talk from a guest speaker at the end was the highlight of the last hours of camp, and it was with a sense of completeness that we finally left in the awaiting coach.

After managing to catch my coach back to London with less than thirty seconds to spare, I finally was able to sit down and reflect upon this shotgun trip, and I'm sure those reflections will be shared at some point, in my more abstract writing style as it's something I'm more comfortable with :)

All in all, I'm thankful for having had such an enjoyable opportunity and as always, I hope it will work to better me somehow inshallah. Ah yes, and I've learned that fire escapes are indeed handy. Not to escape a fire from (or a burnt toast started fire alarm), but to climb in through when you've forgotten the keys or need to avoid the downstairs section of the building :)

Now with my aunt over for a couple of days and then plans to go to Nottingham again for a few days, although with family this time, I get the feeling that this is going to be a busy summer, inshallah..

Barely human

Upon censoring our thoughts and feelings we slowly start to lose all that our humanity has taught us to be.

Tapestries

I looked at him with eyes that held a belief that had been fashioned at the very beginning of time, when creation first began to breathe. In transitory relapse, I stood alone, oblivious to the onlooking spectres that veered past this communion of the unborn. Perhaps wisdom had granted them a justice in their awareness of the abyss into which they were certain to fall. A path they had chose, connected, and in the thread to which we are bound.

The devil himself remained aloof to the ploy, amused by the wanderings of man and the subtleties through which they gave life unheld command. It was a road of the living to create. And that of the dead to bless, with bowed heads, in a light they struggled to weave.

Within already hung tapestries, folded lines ride through our tales as we filter within the layers of the untold. Let their work unfold for I am yet to be, unheard, as I lay tethered and sat upon the ground.

There Can Be No Name...

It's thrilling, isn't it? This realisation, this form that heralds the awakened. From the chaos that nature brings and within the winds sweeping to change, in finality, this is to what it comes. With fumbled hands rewoven and stilted words reborn, we leave to display our design, our final piece to be played. Indeed, it is the end of a beautiful turn. The music sheets flutter to the ground as our roles solidify into the theatrical pieces we are yet to perform. It is time..

As I step barefoot onto the stage and take my place, slowly turning to face the hungry eyes, I smile. I am ready to hold my own.

It is not the fear that drives me, nor their expectations of what is to be, but it is the joy to which I lose myself upon hearing the notes begin to hum; a distant whisper of a dancing within the soul. All within a moment, alive.

Nothing can take away that which you make for yourself. And so, let me begin...

"Every man is said to have his peculiar ambitions"

Set Free

It is by sacrifice that wisdom lends us her robe. And it is within the subtle folds that we abide by the laws that let us preserve our own. A strength to revere, for humility is of the elite. To orchestrate in its entirity, we bow down to the will of man, a weakness reserved to the soul for we beget not our thoughts without but crass relief. How then can we be amongst the flames that burn with remorse if the hue of shadowed smoke is the abode of our desire?

Indeed we are fashioned weak and unruly are our cries, for we despair when we take fright of the burdens we are to bear. But to survive is to bequeath our souls to the Will of God. Let you set me free..

"Joy and grief were mingled in the cup; but there were no bitter tears: for even grief itself arose so softened, and clothed in such sweet and tender recollections, that it became a solemn pleasure, and lost all character of pain."

Let us rise

When the will shall amass the truths
And the chimings of time shall pass
It is then that the hurdles of fame
Brings a reality to the love of the farce.
In the window of regret that we open
And wide-eyed to the lies we do learn
No longer are we wrought with desires
For mistakes are wielded to yearn.
But it's in the shadows of space that we lay
In turmoil of the ill-laden grave
As begotten creatures of darkness
In guilt our decisions do waive.
But from the soiled earth do we awaken
As a branded flame of rebirth
And it is in new light that dawn does restore
True faith in the claim of our worth.

Ramblings

1.

Life continues. Events, actions and words remain as the time that is indulged in and spent, but of late, it is as though time itself has crystallised and shattered, scattered amongst the remnants of passers by at the depth of an ocean floor. To remember is as though to fish amongst the wearied souls that are but imaginations of the past.

I seem to have reached a stage of submission to the peace within my own cave, only distantly aware of life itself, absorbed in the timelessness that space can give. But it is a time that stagnates, that dulls the mind, the senses, and in its place remaines a numbness that settles through the cuccoon, a veil to the seasons of change.

It is within these depths that the light of each dawn brings out the words written upon the dark, a reminder and a challenge set forth by Tolkein's words. To fade with the settling of dusk is but a sign of its transient rebirth. Indeed, a warmth to draw slumber to rest. For now..

The rota of the stars are a testament to our growth of age, experience and time. In numbers we are sure to gain, throughout each second to the year, but it is wisdom that we should hope to pursue. It has been a long many years and I feel the subtleties of age more than I knew.

2.

There comes a time when you question your path. When you realise that you spend your days in mindless monotony, a habit born in repeat. Repeat.. But it takes belief to bring perspective to what previously had been aimless play. Again. We do it for Him. And in selfishness, for us. Yet sometimes, it takes a simple conversation to reignite the passion for your belief in the road you walk upon. A difference to make. A change.

I believe that in changing our future, we must change our present. There are those who dismiss their responsibilities to the children that they have born, and to the society in which they reside. It is a lack of understanding which harbours fear, and a lack of acceptance which does not allow for help. With us remains the duty to reach out to the generations before us and allow them to embrace all that which caused them shame.

2 1/2.

Illnesses of the mind. It is a disease, like diabetes or hypertension or even TB. However, mental disorders are shunned as being embarassing, lewd and for some, fictitious. They are real. Ignoring it won't make it go away. Not believing it exists won't explain a friend's behaviour. And hiding a child from society will never give them a chance to get the help that they need.

These disorders exist, and in acceptance there is no shame. It is our duty to educate and to treat. This is my goal. My belief and my change. It is however a dangerous field to play as beliefs are in constant battle against the sience that we are taught. Are we in fact waging war against God's decree. Do we create excuses for those whose cruelty and disregard for love and for life are simply classed as 'diseased'. Are we the ones that allow for the corruption of society to progress further and with little restraint. It is indeed a war, in which our enemy hides from behind our eyes. But what about the abused, the emotionally scarred and the traumatised. These are victims of the depraved. And there are the disabled, the handicapped and confused. They all deserve to be understood. To be accepted. To be loved. Whether adult or child. There is a beauty of that which is recovered by God's blessing and cure in the form of the guidance and support we give. That is to be our aim.

3.

In reevaluating the point at which I stand, I look to those around me and I see change; in character, in maturity and in deen. We each have reached the stage where we are now veering into an unknown territory of humbled intentions in search of a commitment not to be undone. And yet, my insignificance quashes my desire to seek, for there is nought I think I may offer in goodly returns. How then can it be?

I am afraid.

And yet, the alluring beauty it provides, still remains..

'He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)' [30:21]

4.

Humans are however made weak. They fall. Sins are meant to remain between the believer and His Lord, for even when seeking guidance for ones salvation from those of knowledge, in standing before them, your forgiveness was always with Allah.

Havingly recently been made aware of a situation in which a righteous Muslim man held an affair with his daughter-in-law, I fear for their unborn child, an innocent caught in the midst. It would be arrogance to judge and humility to fear for ourselves. No one is safe from the advances of Shaitan. May Allah protect us all from the traps of lust, boredom and mistakes.

"And whoever does evil or wrongs himself and then seeks forgiveness from Allah, he shall find Allah, All-Forgiving, All-Merciful." [4:110]

5.

Forgiveness for humans can be a test of our patience and patience, once inculcated into ones personality brings an undisruptable peace of the soul. And yet there are times when our unwavering belief lets us do nothing but fight. Until we waver. Wisdom may not have been ours to attain and logic may have held discourse, but in sacrifice, we are to learn the truths that were once obscure. It is however in our patience that we attest to the Will, no longer on our own to fight. To decide. Let the balance of living and life find its place amongst the chaos that new thoughts pursue.

"..On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear.." [7:42]

 --

Jumbed up thoughts- an attempt to express my every day life :)

Working to a Clear Plane

Inspiration can only come from accepting the natural order of the living. An order crucial to our walks; our core. Yet we see that the living are made to evolve. To grow. And it is in learning each stance that we start to dance through each move. Indeed, we may learn to manipulate the art of life itself.

Our dance is a ploy, for unaccustomed as we are to learn, there are times when it is in the grace of a timely pace that we move swiftly in the arms of change. But it is to the beat of the mind that we are bound. Bound to bend to the power of creation, of the rules and ties we have clasped, and the solitude in which we rose. To break is unnatural; an unknown path. And in stuttering strokes, twined tracks of fear lay camouflaged within this lighted trail of spring.

A trail of a rise. A trail we no longer bring. A change. The heart can however lie and defy what the mind already knows. And it is in defiance that the charcoal lined course signposts its way through the iron-laden fog of the diverse. The plane.

And upon this plane, in floating alongside and clearing the mist one woven strand at a time, we allow our wombs to breathe. To be accustomed to grow. And we let our hearts be nourished through the mind. A new bend. Our own.

We create and manipulate the forms that our art can take.

We decree.

Losing

At a loss.
To be lost.
To lose.

All of the above.

Another Year

Exactly six years to this date and time.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.

My Write

There are times when it feels as though ghosted traffic screams through you as you stand on a deserted road, struck by a realisation so severe that neither awe nor fear can translate the design.

How different we are. How different.

Neither logic nor love works on those who have lost their fight, for they wish to no longer believe. A choice.

Time only works to strengthen their cause, their resolve; a victory of sorts. But such triumph can only bring grief to those that have already left. Disappearing footprints remain as a testament over the void that the darkness now fills. Already at a different plane.. A purer rise. To suffer is to return, and in return, to suffer is waived. And to move beyond is to bid all a disdainful farewell. A choice.

I cannot.

He(r)art

Desert Fairy

Gritty

Painting a green world

Art refers not only to the traditional forms of poetry, prose and paint, but it is the vision with which we adore and engross ourselves in the expressions that signify the discoveries to which we concede. It is in this, an ability that is almost intuition itself, that we forget, in fact, it is all an art.

I'z

One hundred billion million more times than you could ever imagine, did the garish light creepingly blind all that its touch consumed.

Corner by corner, the world illuminated to the grabbing hold of the new moons pull.

It was simply the beginning of this new ravaged land, a sight not seen before.

Darkness unveiled.

And barefoot and dishevelled, eyes awakened in newborn rapture to this world of unknown grace. Who would have thought their foetal form had matured to birth in the time that they had dreamt of their demise. It indeed became a noted date of cries. And indeed, it was but one gush away.

Lay still, and breathe.

.

Unfathomable.
Inert.

Let the dreams begin..

Altered

Each faltered step
Eats shadows into depths
Whilst starved intentions
Let cries run tracks
Into the burdened minds
Of the once elite
And thus once again
We hold our tongues
And hold each fright
As we leave our lies,
To mind.
To rest.
In dreams
We sleep.