Innocence...

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To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

- William Blake
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A Break...

In life, we may find at times that the expectations we hold of people are all but a farce, an invention from within our own minds. We build characters to suit our needs; to suit our vices.. In fact, just to suit ourselves.

Perhaps it is our need to be accepted for who we truly are that gives birth to these shadowed beings that we create. To be embraced for our souls, individual and unique, we ignore the real gap, the differences we hold, in both emotion and times; and we join each side with a thin and fraying string, upon which we place their persona, fashioned from hope, to be amongst those who allow, even to accede, and wholly partake in our joy.

Although there are some that lay content within the rules imposed on the very way that we think, there are others who have outgrown the ideologies and the acceptable way of being in the way that culture ordains them to behave. If we do not stand guilty of breaking any laws God decrees, then we are able to remain firm in our faith, that we have done no wrong, and it is here that we draw the line. Generations will slowly come to understand that the children who were born of their wombs, have made no mistake in the decisions they make, and in God's eyes, they are blessed if their hearts remain to be pure. God alone knows the whisperings of our hearts and if indeed the changes that we no longer hide, remains in heed of His truth.

Resigned to our binds, we allow old ways to weave their hold until our hearts choices let us finally be who we were born to be, in a journey of acceptance and joy.

I pray that my heart remains firm in my goals and the changes I make, whether misunderstood or dismissed, are all for Gods way alone. Let Him be my strength in the journeys we are yet to take and let Him guide me to the truth and keep me there, always.

It's time to make a break..

Fly High...

Whether they are ambitions and goals we wish to achieve, or the flickering pictures we see within our mind behind closed eyelids when we sleep, both are considered to be 'dreams'; both states of mind that can be characterised by abstraction and a release from reality.

Each night that I lay in bed, recounting the days events and thinking through each thought, I wonder at the power of the mind and our ability to create. I eagerly anticipate my sleep, thrilled to see what my subconscious empowers me to achieve. To discover. To enjoy. Images and ideas in play with a vividness of life that only the darkness can bring, formed from the half-truths seen in the light of day and longing thoughts to embody each fantasy and dream.

For some, there is only a thin veil that separates our hearts desires from becoming the reality we wish to attain. To look from either side of the divide is to live but only half a life, neither complete and never content. It is our passioned devotion to the voice of our hearts that allows us to achieve our goals. And in finding the strength to lift our own veils, each world can combine and we will find ourselves to be free.


But most of the time, I dream that I can fly..

Spoken in Time...

Se che gindaan - She's playing..

There remains only two people left in the world who truly understand the meaning behind those simple words sobbed out by a mere child. Afraid of the stranger that was in fact the idolised hero of later life, the stranger sadly let their beloved angel go, but hoping that their time would come.

It did.

But there is so much I wish I could have changed.. So much I wish I had said before time finally sighed her last..

And why did I remember this today? I don't know. But at least now I can never forget.

Are whispered words into the night enough? Please tell me they are..

I pray that my voice may be carried by the winds to be heard by the one whom I still fear to see.. I hope it is you that will one day take me there and I know you will be my strength and hold me as I regain my soul, finally having spoken to the one I love, who can only but listen to me weep from behind closed doors.

That day shall be marked with tears of rebirth and I truly believe in you to be the one to take me away, hand in hand, finally joyous and free...

Words...

Words are spoken with deliberate force
And with a deliberate pause
As though relishing the taste of each lettered form
And each syllable and word that we impart
Goes out to dance and meet the world
And each dancer has one friend or more
To weave through time
In a particular line
And left for others to taste their sound

I wonder if the words we speak
Hang in time in each place we be
So that each time we open our mouth to talk
Or sing or debate and to recall
We leave an impression in the surrounding air
That like a cloud, enshrouds, ensnares
So when we seem to pluck a word
From the seemingly deceptive empty air
That word in fact was always there
Laying in wait
And waiting for use
Ageing with time
Yet spoken with care

And does us surround
All words ever said
As a testament of life
And of each prayer read
So that when you see shadows of the unspoken mind
It's the mist of the words that have fallen behind
Words with soul
And words of old
Such is the power
Of all that's been told

The power of words
And the power of time
The power we create
In each spoken line..

Further Ramblings...

I've never fully grasped society's concept of normality. We as humans are created to be individuals. Our differing gene structures and uniquely identifiable fingerprints are a testament to that, and whilst even identical twins may share exactly the same DNA, even they will vehemently argue that they are not 'the same'.

I wonder who it is that creates these ideals of what is to be considered the acceptable way of behaving, dressing, speaking, and living. Perhaps this is where culture shows its effect, as the code of living varies from region to region, and even between adjacent towns we see the 'conventional' rules starting to change. Perhaps we all are just afraid to stray from our fellow flock and have forgotten to be ourselves.

It is in children that we can regrasp the concept of what it is to truly be. Their minds young and untainted by societal restrictions, they speak the truth and act wholly from their free will. In them is an innocence no-one can deny and a freedom we all secretely yearn. Ofcourse, the importance of age cannot be forgotten for it gives us the wisdom of kind words and an even greater potential to give freely of ourselves in a manner far more useful to us all.

It is our experiences, emotions and our ideas that set us apart from one another, for no two people can live exactly the same life and therefore can never be the same. Even when we share corresponding ideals or hold similar views, whether it be on religion, theology or philosophy, we truly are unique. And we as humans should not perceive the norm to be one of those who is amongst the followers of the masses, but instead, we should learn to remain as individuals who listen to the truths of our souls to guide us to what makes our hearts truly sing, and in doing so, accept the new-found awareness of who we really are.

As my soul soothingy hums to me the tune of the life that I have learned to embrace, I stand content, unafraid of being me.

Today I Let it Go...

Everyone has their own fears and their own secret worries. Some of us choose to ignore it and manage to get by in life without anyone ever realising what it is that we hide, whilst the braver of us will try and face it head on and battle it out with their own selves. But mostly, we all need someone to guide us and hold our hands whilst we try to overcome that fear. We start that fight when we feel we must, but only because of that someone whom we hold close to our souls, even if they will never find out what you have fought so hard to achieve or why.

Is there always a logic behind the tremblings of our hearts? Is it something we can dissect and analyse and finally learn to accept? Perhaps. Perhaps not. A feeling of dread may be our only clue as to what it is that we subconsciously lean away from. However, after carefully immersing ourselves in the terrors that we manage to create and learning to find our peace, we may be finally be able to understand the intricate nature of our minds and the frightening associations that we hold. What we can be sure of knowing, is that if we look within ourselves, we can understand the reasons for why we need to triumph, and for who we want our victory.

For me, today happened to be the day I found my own way, with my thoughts of you keeping me content and smiling as each step took me closer to my goal.


I did it for you..

I wonder if you will ever know...

And I Pray..

A river clinging
To hardened banks
Of salted gems
And crusted ranks
And of earthen hairs
Swept with a broken glance
As in sweet succession
Of fallen grace
At risen lines
Of a fearful pace
I lay to cool
The river's mouth
Upon my floating fingertips

My Journey...

We have all felt pain. But how many of us have lived the life of death? But even in death, it is said that we feel...

There was a time when I felt nothing. Days would go by as though a dream, with the nights and days snaking into one long rope of unending moments, an eternity stretched out in each second that passed by, the brightening and fading of the stars my only sign that the days and months still raced ahead. I saw a lot of the stars in those days. With my face turned to the sky, each night I would watch one ball of light dissolve the others until they re-emerged again. A full circle. Such is the nature of life; birth, growth and death.. only to be followed by birth again..

A peaceful and refreshing sleep was a foreign concept, with any hours of rest I did manage to achieve, being punctuated with constant awakenings to the sound of my own racing heart and gasping tears, thankfully wrenched from yet another dark and hazy dream. They say we are at our most vulnerable when we sleep. In this I have learned to believe. It is the time when you no longer hide behind your impenetrable and strong facade and you can no longer block the truth of your heart from yourself anymore. Perhaps it was the only time I ever allowed myself the blessings of tears. Hidden from the world in my refound sanctuary, where the two opposing concepts of peace and reality combined, I learned to lose the very essence of what makes our souls.. our ability to feel.

Four years.. I remember very little of what happened in those years. Exams, interviews, mundane daily activities, and even friends.. they all came and went. But what I do remember is the change.

I could be happy but not feel happy; I could enjoy life without savouring it; I could laugh and not let it reach my soul.. In essence, I could live and yet really, not live at all. But most of all, I did not care. Time would let me heal, and trustingly placing my hand in hers, through her friendship, I grew. I laughed and sang and danced away my worries and fears and ignored people's wide-eyed curiosity as to how I had become me. A more talkative and confident me, no longer afraid of the world and unwaveringly placing faith in God to always be at my side.

However, with the darkness of each night, there always came the deepest heartbreak that shook my very soul.. a secret between God and I. A secret that gave me peace. A secret that refreshed my soul as I let it bathe in the blessings I had never forgot.

God, Thee I thank for all that You have given me and all that me, You have taught. Let me never stray from the true path that is Yours and let those who are good for my religion and my hereafter come into my life and guide me to all that is true. Let me prostrate humbly before You and let neither pride nor evil stain my heart and I pray that You keep me strong and steadfast in my journey to achieve my goal..


And finally, the fifth year... This year.

Everything seemed to fall into place. My mind clear and my heart content, I have found the peace within myself. I have survived birth, growth and even death, only to live again..

From crushed and demolished earth and rocks, there springs out diamonds; a rare event, uncontrolled, unplanned. Endured. And like diamonds, some people emerge from their darkest times as a heavenly find, radiating the light of sincerity in their hope of bringing joy to others. It truly is an astonishing feat of the human soul, to survive.. and then to thrive. I sincerely pray to be amongst those people..

But far more precious to me than any stone can ever be, is my heart, which I carefully guard. However, there are those to whom I cannot help but give my love, and unknowingly, they are the ones who hold the greatest power to break it all over again.. And knowing that they have that potential to destroy me, would I ever take back my love, even if I could? No, because the greatest gift of all that we humans can give one another, is our love. And if you have ever felt the pain that comes with loss, whether tangible or emotional, you will understand that to be able to feel, most of all, to feel love, it is always worth fighting for, whatever the outcome you fear..

And I? I still fear love..


God keeps all our secrets, but it was time for me to tell mine..



Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un
Verily we belong to God, and to God we return
[2:156]

An Understanding...

"Everything happens for a reason".

It's a well enough known saying, whether said in the context of religion or making yourself and others feel better about bad things that happen in life. But in reality, it is a doctrine by which if you abide, you will always be able to find peace, no matter what happens and whatever situation you find yourself thrown into. I try to live by this, surrendering myself to the will of God and believing that indeed there is a greater meaning to life, and that as a mere speck of unimportant existence within the vast expanse of the universe, I will never understand the answer to the always asked question that we never seem to tire of voicing, yet can never comprehend.. 'why?'

Sometimes it takes us a life time to let go of a grudge against the hands that fate has dealt us, and some people are unlucky enough to always hold that bitterness in their hearts. However, just once in a while, we may be blessed enough to let go of it all, and in that moment of freedom, finally comprehend all the wonderful things that have come about as a result of something that initially we could only see as being another event that broke our heart.

This past year, if anything, has made me realise more than ever that I truly am content to believe and continue to live by the phrase that 'everything happens for a reason'. And once you manage to do so, you will find a peace that you never thought you could feel again..

The Beginning...

Each crease formed over years
Hides a story of its own

Of life etched in skin
And skin burnt in flesh
Which pay homage to the sin
Of time wasted at best

And with no space left for tears
We turn to the unknown